Sunday, March 23, 2014

The week I realized I am most certainly human

What. a. week.

I was in a funky mood this week. I think part it stemmed from Mark had to do a lot of studying so I saw him for an hour when I got home and then he went back to base to study or was studying in the kitchen, or both, and that was a bummer. My deepest, sincerest sympathies to those of you who have significant others in med/law/dentist/post-grad/any-other-schooling-that-takes-most-of-their time. The other part of me is just so torn with so many things I want and hope and dream to do in my life. I'm restless. I'm bored with being a dietitian. I keep talking about culinary school to be a pastry chef with Mark and he's all for it and so am I but I have to wait because there isn't the right program here and I don't know how long we'll be here so I have to wait. Waiting. 99% of the time I do not like waiting. 

You know when you're in a funky mood or an impatient-you-want-dreams-to-happen-RIGHTTHISSECOND mood and there are certain things you should stay away from? Things that you know will make your mood worse? Well. Sometimes I'm a masochist so I do those things anyway. And/or, I do them and instead of controlling my emotions I let them take over completely. I was reading some blogs my mom recommended and I love them. One of them is Bluebirdbaby about a sweet family that lives in an old restored church in Maine. The blog is brilliant and beautiful and fun. I love it. Work was WIIIIIIIICKED slow a couple of afternoons this week so I read the blog. And then one of the nurses on one of the floors I cover recently visited someone in Boston and was going on and on and on and on about how wonderful it was and how her friend lives in Nashua and it was so close to Boston. I just stood there and smiled brightly, one on hand wanting to jump in and tell her all of the cool things and places to eat in Boston and on one hand wanting to cry because I was jealous and envious. Jealousy. Good, old-fashioned jealousy. Green with envy. Mad. So between that and the blog, I was home sick. And mad that I'm stuck in the middle-of-nowhere Texas where it was in the upper 80s this week and I wanted to melt. Yes. I know. I complained about this to my brother and knew I shouldn't have said anything since New England is preparing for yet another snow storm. Oops. 

And then I was reading another blog, Floret Flowers. A family owns a farm where they grow ACRES of flowers in Washington state. And the pictures. Mesmerizing. Wow. I also spent time reading post after post after post jotting down notes and planning my own gardens someday. An herb garden. A vegetable garden. A flower cutting garden. The varieties I want and the ones that grow well together and when they bloom and which are annuals and perennials. And there it was again. A ping of envy. How much I ache for a real house and land to garden. I know I'll have that someday but then impatience surges through my veins and that quickly turns to frustration. Next I knew it, my cute pots of flowers weren't good enough. I wasn't good enough. I felt stupid and mad and incompetent and hopeless. Impatience gets me almost every time. 

So. One day after work I decided to just peek at the plants Home Depot had. Just a peek. Just to make myself feel better and be surrounded by flowers and maybe help me add a few more to my list for my future garden. I don't need any more plants but I just... wanted to...see. And then I walked out with these:
Succulents meant for our bedroom window to greet us in the morning.

Gerber daisies because I decided I needed more color and had too much purple. Plus I can cut them and put them in vases!

And after reading about Floret's farm and seeing the magnificent arrangements she has created I decided I also want to take some floral design classes. While I was in college I took a floral design class to fulfill the required "arts" credit. No joke, it was one of my favorite classes. Learning about flowers and then creating arrangements and getting credit for it. Yes PLEASE. It was a blast! My last semester and shortly after I graduated I worked at a wholesale flower placed called "Mountain Bloom" just because they needed extra help for the holidays. That has been my favorite job. Hours of creating bouquets and arrangements. It was so much fun. It's my own way of being an artist. Pairing different colors and textures together. It's delightful. And much like baking, how can anyone get upset by flowers? 
So on a whim I sent a message to a woman who owns a local flower shop asking if she needs some extra help during the holidays and I'd do it for free just to learn and get some experience. I didn't think about it until 2 days later when I actually got a response! We've been playing phone tag the past few days so hopefully we'll finally have a conversation tomorrow. I'm giddy and nervous and there are moments where I think WHAT I am I doing??? Or I shouldn't have done that. But what have I got to lose? I hope she lets me help. I certainly think I would love it!!!

Toward the end of the week my mood got better. My first pot of grape hyacinths is doing well and lately I've been watching a bee come and visit them and pollenate them. But, sadly, I think their blooming is coming to an end so I've snipped two small bouquets so I can enjoy them before this pot is done. I think the heat expedited their blooming. 

But my second pot is coming along nicely! I've decided that if the weather is forecasted to get too hot, I'll bring them inside where it's cooler to try to elongate their bloom time so I can enjoy them a little longer. 

On to DIY project updates.

I think we've finally completed all of, or most of, the DIY projects we had on our list. Mark sanded down two night stands he had and we repainted them. The one on the left is Mark's (hence the star...gotta represent Texas!) and the one on the right is mine. 

Saturday Mark went golfing so I spent the afternoon running errands and wandering around downtown. The boutiques here are crazy. I don't get the fashion. I walked into every boutique and then walked out about 1-2 minutes later. Yikes. It's like bohemian/gypsy/bold/I don't even know how to describe it. It's not me, that's for sure. I popped into Pier One just to look around and found a cute plate I knew belonged in my kitchen (the one on the very top)! I love birds. The cute singing kind. There are lots of grackles here that are eery and creepy. Beady little eyes and strange calls. Yuck. I loved my room growing up because of the four walls, three had two windows each. It always so bright in my room. Every morning I woke up to birds...or Scotty pawing my face to wake up...but usually birds.   

I found Fiona, that's what I've named her because I name a lot of things I have, at Hobby Lobby a week or so ago and decided I had to have her to decorate our book shelf.  

And we finally got a new dresser! I found one I liked for over $1000 at a furniture store but that was WAY more than I was willing to pay. Then a colleague recommended a wholesale place because we have been looking for a nice reading chair and though we didn't find a chair, we found this for a fraction of the cost and got it. It arrived this week and I love it! 

The flower arrangement for the week. The sunflowers I bought lasted two weeks! Two! I was so pleased but they quickly started wilting 2 days ago and I wasn't going to buy another bouquet but I love hydrangeas and they were so cheap! Thank you HEB. 

These have been my new lounge wear for the past...4 days. 

This morning it rained. The weather has been saying a 30-40% chance of rain the past few days and nothing. We got nothing. So I have stopped believing it would actually rain. BUT, this morning while I was getting ready for church Mark told me it was really raining so I flung open the door and skipped outside. It was raining! Aw the smell of rain. Happiness! So after church I watched "The Three Musketeers" from 1993. What a great cast: Chris O'Donnell, Tim Curry, Kiefer Sutherland, Oliver Platt, and Charlie Sheen (before he went crazy). Good flick. Last night we watched "Parent Trap," the one with Lindsey Lohan (when she was young and cute). I remember I got that movie for Christmas one year on VHS and must have watched it 4 or 5 times on Christmas day. And every day that week. I love that movie, and the original. And tonight I made risotto for the first time. We liked it! And per Mark's request, I made cinnamon roll cookies. So I'm going to go eat my 5th another one. 


Anonymous said...

Gabe - you are me in so many ways - I am reading my own past thoughts and dreams - don't despair - it all comes! I love you! Modge

Anonymous said...

What an amazing blog!!!!